Screw Up Tuesday.

It’s Screw Up Tuesday again.

And screw up number one for me was forgetting it is Screw Up Tuesday.

Screw Up Tuesday is the evil concoction of Mistress Bettina.

Remember to whip over there to see who has admitted their  fuck ups screw ups.

I have been playing mummy (stop laughing, asshats) to my flatmate’s daughter.

I’ve been guilt tripped into doing this as my German Killing Machine tripped ‘K’ down the stairs.

And part of this mummy routine is to socialise ‘Mini K’ at Playgroup.

I had the most wondrous experience of Playgroup yesterday.

I don’t know why the heck parents think Playgroup is for kids.

It is for mothers to sit around and brag about the new kitchen, little Fifi Trixibelle’s ability to speak seven languages and how she was potty trained before the umbilical cord was snipped and what snooty school they have their rugrat enrolled in.

And, dear reader, did you know there is a correct way to wear a scarf around your neck?

Fuck me dead, I do now.

We enter the hall, Mini ‘K’ eager to avoid the other children (she’s so her mother’s daughter; anti-social to the max) runs and hides behind a big pile of beanbags and the mothers check me out.

Damn, talk about running the gauntlet.

Mummies circle me like a hungry buzzard greet me sweetly.

I suppress the urge to throw up.

Playgroup starts with ’singing time’

And the kids and mummies love singing to the Wiggles.

LMFAO… they start singing “Fruit Salad”

I lose it laughing. I lose it big time.

And ‘Mini K’ the rotten little parrot sings the alternative words that have been floating around our house.

Blame Widdleshamrock for this.

At the top of her little voice she sings “Horny (insert name of Mr. Shamrock) yummy, yummy”

The mummies stare at me.

Apparently, ‘mini K’ usually sings “yummy yummy” and that’s about it.

And all I can say *slap head with hand* is…

“Well, the dude does have a big banana”

I haven’t seen that many cat’s bum faces since Speech Day at my old Alma Mater.

‘K’ would want to heal fast, damn fast.

Now be good kids and ‘fess up to your own Screw Ups.

Make sure you tell Bettina about them.

She loves to giggle in your general direction.