My coffee tastes like shit. Really good shit!

Weird looking like fucker, ain’t it?

I was inspired to write about this little red eyed sucker by a friend who is obsessed by the feline fancying of my ex. Actually, she is obsessed by the size of his dingus, but that’s another story - a story I just don’t have the stomach to share.  Although, when my friend was trying to be a smart ass, it inspired me to share with you all my love of exquisite coffee. Don’t ask how the train of thought went that-a-way. My mind is a derailment.

Fellow caffeine addicts; let me introduce to you Paradoxurus Hermaphroditus. No, that’s not an enigma that can fuck itself; that fuzzy little critter is the Indonesian Palm Civet. And that little bastard produces some mighty fine shit.

This weird little fucker hangs around the coffee plantations of Indonesia, and his or her favourite food is the coffee cherry. It chews the pulpy fruit off the coffee bean and finds the bean indigestible. It’s a bit like grannies who chew the choccy off the hard centres and leave the rest for some poor bastard. But unlike granny going the gummer (not that type of gummer, you filthy sods) the civet gives that added oooooooooooooh fuck yeah to the beans. End result “kopi luwak”

Now I’ve swilled some shit coffee in my time.

• Hospital coffee.
• Gloria Jeans. (How dare they try to pass this dingo piss off as coffee)
• Starbucks. (I like it brewed, not stewed, asshats)
• Instant coffee of any variety (GET ME A BUCKET!!!!!!)
• Any coffee brewed by the good folk of the golden arches.

So, in conclusion, if I’m going to drink shit coffee – it’s going to be the real shit.

Yeah, that’s the shit!